Not the Whole Picture

Good morning!

A sister told me that yesterday's blog seemed very sad to her.  I guess the description of my big studio room-of-my-own seemed negative in some way. But it occurred to me also that there is more to the picture that I drew yesterday than was written.

A number of years ago, I was feeling depressed, and a counselor suggested to me that I write up a description of my ideal day.  It's funny, but that ideal day has not changed.  I'd still want the morning in that studio for work and study alone.  That is my nature.  But, in my ideal day of the past, the picture began to change in the afternoon, and by evening, I put in that I wanted drinks and dinner and music and company with friends.  That part of it is just as true as the desire for hermitage, to make reference to Samuel Barber's beautiful song.  Another strange thing is that, in the writing up, the drawing up of it, the description became true on its own.  It eventually came to pass in its way, and has come and gone with the years.  It is good to revisit the ideal room, once in a while, to confirm that it still lives within me, a part of myself.

I heard from an acquaintance who has transformed her life in a drastic way, moving out of the city, out to the country alone.  She has simplified her ideas of what she needs and has clarified her ideas of what she wants. She is building her "ideal room" out in real life and I love what she's doing. 

I read mention, recently, of another acquaintance who has built the life she wanted out in the world.  Adios to husband, wifely cares, family obligations, and even to the house.  She moved down to the beach, into the tiniest little apartment I have ever seen, and became a poet.  She became happy.  She truly did. 

I never released myself from "family," with its obligations and ties.  Children are supposed to grow up and take off, leaving parents with a new life--something the child never considers.  Most of them just go, not thinking of anyone but themselves.  But there are those who don't go, or can't, for one reason or another. They shift the balance in the family in a different way. 

I like my ideal room and visit it often in my mind.  If and when it comes into being in reality, I'll be there. YAZZYBEL