Grief and Grieving and Mourning

Good morning!

That leaf is one of the reasons I love magueyes.  Look at that pink edge--audacious!!

I did not sleep much last night for thinking of Birdy and Listy.  Losing a pet is strange.  One tries to rationalize--they had a good life; we loved them dearly; not once in their lives were they ever mistreated; they were loved by many who came to know them.  It is never enough, is it?  Simply, we miss them.

Today was the first morning for fourteen years that I didn't go out to get the paper with at least one of them.  The last few mornings I had to lift one or both down the two front steps, and give them a boost as they came back up....but they were there. Now they are not with us.  The riddle of death.  My only reconciliation is that, as I am constantly expecting their company with me, their little noises and jingles and taps of their toenails on the hardwood floor, I realize that I am thinking of turning to see a couple of very old and sick little somebodies, which they were at the last.

I have lost a son.  He was extremely incapacitated at his ending, and my grief and mourning when he died were for that very handicapped person. Like mourning for a very small child or baby.  And I grieved for him that way.  At some point, the young very physically strong young man he had been took his place, and I had to go through mourning all again, this time, for the young man we had really lost two and  two-thirds year before.  Then the mourning was longer and will never go away, for his funny ways, his wit and wisdom, his problems, his passion for music and seashells and coin collecting, and his help in yard maintainance and gardening will never leave us.  We marveled  at his ability to go walking in all temperatures, in the evenings, and never get cold nor catch a cold.  He was, when not depressed, wonderfully amiable and cheerful to be around.  And loving.  And we mourn and miss him still.

Is it irrelevant or sacriligious to compare mourning for two nutty little chihuahuas (brains the size of a walnut, a friend of ours used to say: it was remarkable what they could do with those little brains) to the loss of one's own child?  No.  It isn't.
Whatever we are, wherever we are, we are all in this together, all part of this inexplicable and not understood medium we call our lives.  We were all together for a while, separated now in a way, and in a way not separated at all.  That is what we have to grasp.  Not separated at all, really.  Still part of the warp and woof.  Say, that's a funny.  Peace to all. Love to all. YAZZYBEL